Getting the mail is now just depressing

On Saturday, August 16th, 2014 I had to take my best friend of almost 14 years to be euthanized. She had suffered from arthritis in her hind legs for years, and that had caused me to stop taking her for walks. I’ve spent a little over a year watching her physical and to a lesser extent her mental condition visibly deteriorate. Our play sessions got shorter and shorter until they were little more than her standing over a toy and barking at me until I picked it up and played with it for her. Eventually she didn’t even bark any more, though it took me longer to notice that. She developed a fear of noises that she wouldn’t have even noticed before. An alert on my phone would cause her to struggle to her feet, and she would either leave the room, or more likely sit on my feet and look to me for reassurance. I spent the last year with my phone set to vibrate when home. Through all of her decline though, going outside with me was one thing she enjoyed, and continued to enjoy. She had to stay home alone all day while I was at work so I suspect that my coming home was a daily highlight for her. I know her greeting when I got home was a highlight for me. Our Monday through Friday ritual was, I would get home, go into the house to greet her, then ask if she wanted to go get the mail. The mailbox is located at the street approx. 100 feet from the house. I could get it as I drive in, but seeing her get excited about going out with me prevented me from doing that. Even in the last couple of weeks when she no longer got out of her bed to greet me, asking if she wanted to get the mail would visibly excite her, and she would struggle to her feet to go out. It was extremely gratifying for me to see her still able to enjoy something so much. Especially something as simple as a trip to the mailbox. I’m sure part of her enjoyment was smelling the messages left for her by the other dogs in the area. She would also occasionally get to greet a neighbor and maybe prod them to give her a behind the ear scratch while we caught up on news in the middle of the street. She didn’t always make it all the way to the mailbox, but she wagged her tail, and thoroughly sniffed the ground she did cover. On Saturday, August 9th I noticed a sudden swelling on her left hind leg just above the knee. I took her to the vet the following Monday. The vet took X-rays, and a biopsy of the swollen tissue. He also supplied me with more pain medication and increased the dosage I was to give her. On Wednesday the pathologist’s report came back confirming what I had most feared. The diagnosis was osteosarcoma. An aggressive, and painful cancer of the bone. I still drive past the mailbox, then walk back out to get the mail. Only these days it is the loneliest 100 foot walk imaginable. If I wanted to avoid feeling the depression and loneliness I should probably pick it up as I pull in, but I can’t bring myself to end what was “our” thing.